dimfuture.net

And now, all the stuff that I didn’t think was worth talking about when it first happened. You’ll probably be seeing a lot more of this, as dimfuture.net focuses more on reviews and written pieces and less on news. Because frankly, five days a week of remake and sequel news is about a week from sucking the very soul from my body, stomping on it, and calling it a very rude name.

First and foremost, fans of Tolkien can look forward to what amounts to a new Tolkien book, The Children of Hurin, compiled with loving and scholarly guesswork by his son, Christopher Tolkien. Now, if I seem a bit skeptical, that’s because I am. In my view, this represents a “new book by Tolkien” in the same way August Derleth wildly embellishing on H.P. Lovecraft’s stories comprises a “posthumous collaboration.” Don’t get me wrong, I have the utmost respect for Christopher Tolkien and his meticulous preservation and presentation of Tolkien’s posthumous works. But a work completed by your descendants once you’re dead is not a finished work by you. It is fan fiction.

All this semantic nitpicking and bluster aside, I’ll still be there, slavering like a maniac, the day this book comes out. My hypocrisy only goes so far, to quote Captain John Sheridan. Or Mark Twain. Look, whichever.

Meanwhile, everything old continues to be new again. An animated Spaceballs series is in production, resurrecting a spoof that didn’t even do all that well in 1987. This leaves me with high hopes that my dreams of a weekly Airplane! serial might finally come to fruition, but in the post-9/11 world, I guess that’s too much to ask.

Speaking of Star Wars, the latest from the rumor mill is that everyone’s favorite child star turned drunken reprobate, Edward Furlong, might be starring in the Star Wars live action series. There’s no word in English for how this news makes me feel; I’m simply going to comfort myself with the fact that it’s probably not true. And, anyway, the series isn’t coming out until 2010, so we can always assume, or at least hope, Furlong will be in his grave long before then. If this seems unnecessarily mean-spirited, I suggest you go watch The Crow: Wicked Prayer and see if you’re still such a smarty-boots. All things to everyone, run, run away!

And, while we’re still apparently talking about Star Wars, greedy, soulless billionaire George Lucas has donated $175 million to USC. That monster.

And, last but not least, there’s an interesting new trailer out for the Frank Miller comic book epic The 300 out. I want to say it looks awesome, because portions of it do look awesome. Other portions look like some kind of Renny Harlin malaria hallucination. Either way, there certainly are a lot of brawny, hirstute men bellowing at each other. If nothing else, this movie should make a great drinking game. Every time a man in a skirt roars “SPARTA!” take a drink. Hell, don’t wait for the movie, try it now. Load up some Jagermaester and make an afternoon of it. I won’t tell.

No, I don’t know whether this is a straight remake of The 300 Spartans. It seems doubtful. And the comic book it’s based on? Oh, I don’t know a damn thing about that.