Sorry for the lack of updates. News has been a bit slow lately, and I’ve been lackadaisical about putting up reviews of the new movies I’ve seen. But that’s all about to change — real soon now! Anyway, in the meantime, please enjoy these Star Trek motivational posters, won’t you?
Found on IMDB:
Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo star Rob Schneider is the first actor to publicly announce he will never work with Mel Gibson due to the anti-Semitic remarks he made when he was arrested last Friday. Schneider took out an ad in Hollywood trade paper Variety slamming the star for his behavior in “An Open Letter to the Hollywood Community.” The ad appeared yesterday and said, “I, Rob Schneider, a 1/2 Jew, pledge from this day forth to never work with Mel Gibson-actor-director-producer-and anti-Semite.”
I don’t know who you think you’re kidding, Rob.
With the Michael Bay Transformers epic right around the corner, I know what you must be thinking: could life get any better for people stuck in the Eighties? Well, it’s about to. The Dungeons & Dragons cartoon is coming to DVD. Willie Aames! Don Most! Adam Rich! God, it’s like some kind of beautiful dream!
This is one of those childhood favorites about which I’m deeply ambivalent. I had a real love-hate relationship with this show. The concept itself was great, if already a little tired by the time the cartoon rolled around, and Venger, well, he was awesome, the ineffectual Darth Vader of Saturday morning TV.
The execution, however, often left me cold, never quite living up to the promise of the opening credits sequence. The ranger’s bow just tied people up, or otherwise mildly inconvenienced them for seconds at a time. The cavalier was a sniveling coward, jamming the irony down our throats at every possible opportunity. And the wizard, with his wizard’s hat, never once did anything useful, making a complete bollocks of every spell, usually making everything worse. Watch the opening credits and enjoy, because that’s the only time wizard-guy isn’t completely worthless. Watching this cartoon, I kept envisioning some kind of Lord of the Flies scenario would eventually erupt, and the wizard kid was always Piggy.
The Dungeon Master, meanwhile, was some kind of gleeful, sadistic demigod, cheerfully throwing kids into mortal danger, only to show up once the smoke had cleared to deliver some platitude. He billed himself as the “guide to the world of Dungeons & Dragons,” but was probably some kind of bored, supernatural psychopath. He’s like the guide who takes you deep into the Louisiana backwoods, and then leaves you to be raped and murdered by a tribe of radioactive hillbillies. On the off chance that you survive (using the cryptic and broken-ass tools he’s left behind to “help” you), he’ll just smile and shrug when you show up, covered in your own blood, demanding an explanation, and tell you all the answers you seek are in the spiked pit trap to your right. And yet, the kids looked up to the Dungeon Master as some kind of mentor. Those are some stupid kids.
And let’s not forget Uni, the only character in the cartoon more worthless than the wizard. Even as an innocent youth, I was of the opinion that they should have cooked and eaten that little bastard on day one. Uni, shrieking like the whiny nephew of Darwin from SeaQuest DSV, never does anything but wander off at the worst possible time, and even manages to fuck the whole crew out of getting home by getting his dumb ass stuck just when the crew is this close to escaping. I’m serious, Bobby. Just cave his head in with the barbarian club. He’ll never feel a thing.
All these memories and more can be yours! The DVD comes out November 7th.
From IMDB:
Memoirs Of A Geisha star Mako has lost his battle with esophageal cancer at his home in Ventura County, California. He was 72. The Asian-American actor, who was Oscar nominated for his portrayal of submissive engineer Po-Han in The Sand Pebbles in 1966, died on Friday. Brought up in Japan by his grandparents while his parents were studying in New York, Mako joined his mother and father when they were granted US citizenship. He studied architecture before joining the US Army in the early 1950s and became passionate about acting while performing in military shows. He became a naturalized American in 1956. After his Army service, he enrolled at the Pasadena Community Playhouse in California and studied to become a professional actor. The Sand Pebbles, which earned him an Academy Award Best Supporting Actor nod, was his first film.
Rest in peace.
Well, this is probably just about everywhere in dork circles by now, but, as it’s quite possibly one of the greatest birthday presents I’ve ever received, I could not possibly avoid posting this. Michael J. Nelson of MST3K fame has launched Rifftrax, the technical heir to the Satellite of Love.
RiffTrax are downloadable audio tracks that you play in sync with your DVDs. They are written and performed by Mike Nelson, former host and head writer of Mystery Science Theater 3000.
The first film to be lampooned is the Patrick Swayze classic Road House. My God, for one instant I’m contemplating watching Road House. Is this really happening? (Don’t worry, I’ll rent it. I know you were worried.)
This appears to be something of an emerging trend. On the movie board Rotten Tomatoes, several users have done homebrew DVD commentaries, sending up their favorite (or most hated) movies. I was actually thinking of doing this myself — of course, now I risk looking like just another bandwagon-jumper (damn you bandwagon!), but that probably won’t dissuade me.
Incidentally, Nelson has already done several DVD commentary tracks for Legend Films, including Carnival of Souls, House on Haunted Hill (the original), and Plan Nine from Outer Space. While not quite up to the verve and energy of the original MST3K, Nelson is still a very funny, very clever guy, and the commentaries are a joy to listen to. They’re worth picking up, especially because Carnival of Souls and House on Haunted Hill are actually pretty good.
Also, Sam responded to my post about movie cliches with a few of his own. I totally agree about the “walking slowly away from an explosion.” I can’t see that without laughing anymore. As for trailers giving away the whole show, well, I’ve been complaining about that for years (often loudly, in the theater), and yet nothing changes! Can’t they hear me bitching?
I might compile my own short-list of hated cliches and add it to the lovefest. Until then!