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I’m not going to comment on this, because no comment is necessary. All you can do is nod sagely and absorb the truth of it.

DOA Is Arriving Soon

MEXICO CITY—Producer Jeremy Bolt told SCI FI Wire that he and his frequent collaborator, writer/director Paul W.S. Anderson, are excited about the impending release of their latest game-inspired film, DOA: Dead or Alive.

Based on the popular character-based fighting game series of the same name, the film will incorporate characters from the game, including many of the trademark scantily clad women that have become a hallmark of the series, Bolt said. “What’s great about DOA is the fantastic fighting opportunities, but also the sexiness, with the volleyball and the island,” Bolt said, referring to elements of the game. “There is a three-minute [volleyball] sequence. Any 13-year-old boy, … it’s going to traumatize an entire generation,” he added with a laugh.

From Sci Fi Wire.

I’m out of town this weekend, so no updates till Tuesday (insert joke about voices carrying here). In the meantime, if you’re in the mood, check out this alleged look at the Wolverine script. Or don’t! See ya!

Yeah, sorry about the headline.

The good news: J. Michael Straczynski is getting a movie made! The bad news: Ron Howard looks to be helming it! The good news: It’s called The Changeling, and it’s not a remake of the George C. Scott film! I know, I can hardly believe it myself.

Universal Pictures and Imagine Entertainment have purchased J. Michael Straczynski’s thriller “The Changeling,” which is being eyed by Ron Howard to direct reports Variety.

Story, billed as based on actual events, is about a mother who prays for the return of her kidnapped son. When her prayers are answered, however, she begins to suspect the boy who comes back is not her child.

Straczynski is a leading comicbook writer who also created cult hit sci-fi TV series “Babylon 5″. That show became famous for its series-long serial story and character arcs which Straczynski had mapped out all beforehand.

Hey, man, JMS is getting work again, that’s always good news in my book. Even if most of Ron Howard’s movies resemble lukewarm mayonnaise.

A bunch of bits and pieces today, little of it very good. So buckle up for some rip-roarin’ sarcasm!

First off, it appears the big news today is that the Wolverine spin-off should be hitting theaters in 2007, just in case you didn’t get enough of the X-men movies also being about Wolverine. That seems like an awfully short turnaround time for Wolverine to be making another appearance, but what the hell do I know? If it were up to me, I’d make an all-chick spinoff a la the cringe-inducing Dead or Alive movie. The plot: the women of X-Men have mysteriously grown allergic to clothes! $300 million opening weekend.

Meanwhile, Bryan Singer is still positive on a Logan’s Run remake. “It’s not dead,” says Singer, “it’s too magnificent.” My question is, can movies like this be made unironically anymore? Will we be seeing David Fincher’s Soylent Green in the near future? “Oh my God, it’s…” “Yeah, people, we know.”

Even less encouraging than that are the rumors that Robin Williams might play the Joker in the Batman Begins sequel. I’d say let me be the first to say “Jesus Christ, please, no,” but I know I’m not the first, nor the last. William’s box-office nickel has been spent for years. Please stop talking about this. Cast Crispin Glover, for the love of God. Be reasonable.

They’re making a Dragonlance animated movie. Yeah, you’re welcome. How awesome will it be? Check out this quote from voice actor Lucy Lawless!

I just did the voice of an animated cartoon for Paramount, called Dragonlance. Obviously it’s a fantasy story, with gods and monsters — (no lesbian subtext). I never felt I nailed animated performance before, so wanted to get a handle on it.

I played a character called “Goldmoon,” a Native American.

See, I strongly dislike Dragonlance, and even I’m a little indignant. Goldmoon a Native American? The comic book store guy in me rebels and foams at the mouth. Although I’m now holding out hope that Caramon will be flamboyantly gay (voiced by Sean Hayes), and maybe Raistlin is like an Islamic terrorist or something. Yeah. Timely.

And, lastly, in DVD news, the rest of Battlestar Galactica Season Two is coming out, with the lame and nakedly cash-grabbing title “BSG 2.5.” Also, be prepared to buy Lord of the Rings again, as there are some new Special Editions coming out. With 300 minutes of special features! Seriously, just hold out for the version with 1,576,800 minutes of special features, namely the entire process of making the movie, which will take you three years to watch.

The teaser trailer for Spider-Man 3 is out today, and it’s looking good. It is, like most teasers, about a third swooping logo, but there are a few good shots of the Sandman, as well as a hint of the story to come. Worth checking out if you’re a true believer.